When my heart grows fonder...

* WARNING : A sentimental entry *

Was driving home from Hanis' apartment, the empty roads and still night air tugged at my chest of memories. It had been truly some time since I last drove alone late at night. Couldnt help feeling nauseated as my vision clouded and took me down the memory lane.

While at Hanis', we looked through her photo album. Though I knew her for just 3 years, it seemed that we etched plenty of memories together. Looking back, I saw how myself not only looked different, but I also feel and thinks differently now. We came across pics taken during our waterfall trip in Semester One (year 2003) - my hair were much longer, my skin less contaminated * :P *, my smile more genuine. I looked - happy and glowing. Then, pics taken 2-3 semesters later - hair lil shorter, skin getting worse, lost that glow, and that smile - lose its megawatts capacity. Finally, pics taken last year - skin worsen, no glow and smile animatedly *gawd*

I witnessed how much I've changed in just 3 years. It triggers the thought - how about the many years before? How much did I change? Did I change towards the better or worse? What triggered the changes?

When I find myself couldnt answer those questions, memories shuffle through my mind. My heart pulled and tugged by the memories.

I remembered how Iro came into my life. How he taught me to love and care. How he became my best friend. How he came to my side whenever he sensed I am feeling weary. How he curled into my lap when he knew I am crying. How he painted many fond memories. How he left me.

I remembered my years in St John Ambulance Malaysia. How it added zests to my life. The opportunities it allowed me to take. The people I met through it. The invaluable experiences and loyal friends I accumulated through it.

I remembered my experience of growing my hair long. It happened when I were 14 years old. Yeah, my dad demanded me to keep short hair from young. I recalled the encouragements and also discouragements * yes, I remembered clearly who said them and what exactly they said * I remembered the excitement of buying my first hair accesories.

I remembered my first kiss * blushing severely * You know who you are * wink* and am still able to rewnd the scene photographicly :) That short, swift goodbye kiss on my left cheek. Thanks dear, you are really one sweet boy... How my heart thudded all the way home after that.

I remembered all my heartbreaks. How I poured my tears out the same way my heart was gushing blood profusely from the break. How supportive my cheemuis were those times. How they comforted me, how they willingly listen to me rant again and again and again about it.

I remembered all those cycling trips with CH. Yes, until once we kena questioned by the patrolling police. Though he has changed a lot these past 2-3 years, and also becoming too busy to be by me, I never failed to remind myself of how supportive and how loyal a 'hing tai' he used to be of mine. How he gave creative and insightful advices and patiently allows me to finish my 'cries', without once asking me to stop.

I remembered all my long chats over the phone with WA. And the umpteeth time her mum or my mum yelled at us to end the calls :P How we used to cycle to meet up and chat. How we shared our tears. How we watch each grow emotionally.

Too many things surfaced as I open this chest of memories. It definitely take days to blog all about it. But one thing that I realised bluntly is ...

How I learned to appreciate and treasure all my memories and the lessons that came with each. I truly loved and still loves all my loyal, true chee muis. *mumumumuaks*beary hugs for each of ya!* I wish I could tell you how much I loves ya, how much I wanna thank you people for loving me, for caring about me, for tolerating my disgustingly hard to accommodate tempers, for understanding me.

I wanna thank the guys who loved me, who taught me how to love, who gave me such wonderful experiences on the road of relationships. Though heartbreaks are usually ugly and unwanted, but fret not, I dont despise you guys, things just didnt work out, I understands. But I do hate you all for high-jacking the benchmark *wink* I love ya all, always.

I also wanna gives credit to those I hate. You people only pointed out to me the reality and cruelty of life. You people taught me to be wiser and to appreciate those who are kind to me more.

I am learning how to be an adult. These precious lessons highlighted the fact that people DOES change, so do I. What next to do is to - "learn from mistakes, progress from your experiences"

Thanks for everything.